Adoption and Big Scary Dollar Signs

I need to talk to you about adoption and that thing that scares everyone about it: money. 

You know, the devil hates adoption.  He HATES the idea that someone would believe the Gospel so whole-heartedly that they would live it out and adopt, and love, and cherish, and bring into their family as a co-heir with their biological sons and daughters a child of no blood relation to them.  He hates that Christians would willingly go through stress and anxiety and work and meetings with social workers and financial sacrifice and struggle in order to make their own one who was not their own.   He reviles it.  Because adoption is soaked in Gospel implications.  And it spells his own doom.  It reminds him of the Child born to a scared teenage girl, adopted by an earthly father, who will one day return to crush him.  He couldn’t destroy that child, so he will try to destroy other vulnerable children and adoptions.    

The first thing he whispers into the ear of would-be adoptive parents is: “you can’t afford it.”   

Newborn and international adoptions have some big scary dollar signs attached.  And Satan wants hopeful adoptive parents to run the other way.  It’s not worth the sacrifice.  The cost can seem so dark and looming that the whole idea appears impossible.  God will never provide that much.  But it’s not impossible.  It is exactly the kind of impractical and improbable lifework - requiring self-sacrifice, pain, and perseverance - that God loves to do to put the glory of the Gospel of Christ on display in this darkened world.

Now this post isn’t really for adopting families.  They know all this. 

I’m talking to you:  those of you not adopting.  This message is for you. 

Adoptive families need you. 

Adoptive families are not walking down this path in their own strength and with (only) their own resources – or at least they shouldn’t be.  God is probably not going to give them a one-time-only gift of the Holy Spirit that allows them to conjure money out of thin air in order to finance an adoption.  He is going to use YOU. 

He is going to use you to pray.  And he is going to use you to give. 

Pray for strength, perseverance, and joyfulness in the trials that come.  Pray for wisdom and clarity on moving forward in the process. 

Pray for money.  Adoptive families really need you to pray for money.  It sounds crass, but it’s reality.  I think we can sometimes have the feeling that it’s more spiritual to not talk about money. But adoption takes money.  Lots and lots of money.  Money money money.  Money (I'm trying to help us get past the awkwardness).  Money (Is it working?).

Pray for that adoptive family to be provided the funds they need and then ask God how much he wants you to give.  Maybe he’ll say nothing.  But he might say five dollars.  Or five hundred.  

You may not be adopting, but you have everything to do with this.  You are members of the body of  Christ, and your fellow member needs a lot of money – that they don’t have - to do a God-honoring thing.  They have stepped out in faith, and now it’s your turn.  Pray and give. 

Walk alongside your brothers and sisters in Christ and show Satan that he will not win this battle.  The dollar signs are big, but our faith is bigger.  And together, our pockets are deep for the work of God. 

The church will stand together against the culture of death-by-abortion.  The church will raise up families who open their homes to the fatherless.  The church will be a beacon of hope to women facing crisis pregnancies.  The church will have open arms for children of all races, health, abilities, nationalities, and backgrounds.  The church will live sacrificially.  The church will give sacrificially.  Supporting adoption – in word and prayer and deed – is a huge part of how we do this.  

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.  1 John 3:18

Photo Credit: Alan Levine  Creative Commons Licensing

  

Dear Young Women

To the young women in my life…

Turning thirty has me in a reflective mood.  My twenties were full and busy.  My life was a roller coaster through college, marriage, children, chronic pain, adoption, moving, seminary, jobs, ministry.  When looking back on it today, what stands out to me is the remarkable and faithful young women with whom I shared my twenties and the everlasting impact they made on my faith.  And this verse came to mind:   

“Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”  1 Timothy 4:12

Young women have been some of my most powerful teachers.  They have been some of the most striking examples of Gospel-centered living and servant-hearted sacrifice.  They have been some of the most solemn illustrations of living prostrate before the Lord in total trust and dependence. 

You have done this despite being busy and tired and overwhelmed and struggling and in pain.  But let me tell you: you are a breath of fresh air to my soul.  You, in your youth, your tears, in your mess, are life-giving to me.  You have wisdom from the Lord that defies your years and genuine faith that inspires me.          

You, who suffered the unthinkable, and had two children die by the time you were 33.  You showed me what it looks like to praise God even in mourning.  When you got those phone calls and still cried out to the Lord instead of cursing Him - I was there.  I saw.  And I saw how big and mighty and loving our God is in your eyes.  I saw Him uphold you.  I saw you cling to Him rather than run away.  You showed me that in the darkest night, He is still good and worthy of our devotion.  You opened your mouth and the wisdom of the Word came pouring out.  Will you be wiser in thirty years?  Yes!  But I needed to hear you right then.  I needed the truth that was on your lips as you cried; the words of a broken young woman worshiping her eternal God. 

You, who are suffering from disabling pain that began after your first baby – you have shown me the source of true wisdom like no one else.  God crushed your dream of being a career missionary.   He took from you the joyful prospect of more children.  He changed your ability to serve your husband and your family and your church.  He gave instead sleepless nights, financial trouble, hard decisions, isolation, and pain.  But through the agony and despair, He taught your heart to say:  “It is good for me that I was afflicted that I might learn your statutes.”  You grew closer to Him as all else was taken away.  You say again and again: “This is God’s best for me.  It can be nothing else.”  And you mean it.  “All this pain has been for my good and God’s glory.” And my heart is changed.  You are young, but your faith is ancient and deep.  Your trust high and wide.  I need to know you, see you, hear you, young woman.  Because as He teaches you through your pain, He reveals His Grace to me. 

You, whose husband left you with two toddlers and a baby on the way.  You are far too young for such pain.  Far too young to be able to tell such a story.  Twenty seven.  But you show me what it means to have a “gentle and quiet spirit” as you live in peace and trust and worship before your God.  The Gospel of Christ is real to you- your everlasting hope - as you walk through the fall out of a broken marriage.  God is the Faithful One, though people will fail.  You learned this young and hard.  You count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus your Lord. (Phil 3:8).  Will I trust Him too, your life asks me?  Will I really trust Him, if my world falls down?        

You, who have faced miscarriage after miscarriage.  You are young, but your eyes are often raw with weeping, your body aches beyond its age, and your arms are empty, your longing unfulfilled.  Yet you still believe God’s Word.  It is precious, it is life to you.  His plan feels like pain, yet you worship.  Your grief is an ever present void, but the Lord’s praises are on your lips, His songs in your heart, as you listen for what He has to teach you.  You know His plans are greater than your own, and His ways are always wise.  You know that He shed His Son’s own blood to ransom your soul; your deepest need is met; your future in glory is secure.  I need the teaching that He has put in your heart.  I need your perspective on His love.  Not later someday when you have processed this all; but now in the darkness where the light of fervent and unlikely faith shines so bright.   

You, who serve patiently, selflessly every day.  Your parenting journey so far has been short, but its intensity is like that of a lifetime.  You said “yes” when the adoption agency showed you her picture and the file that said, “fetal alcohol syndrome – failure to thrive.”  You said “yes” to sacrificial Christlike love.  Your faith belittles mine!   Your hope puts me to shame!  Your God is my God - but you know Him so much more!   I need you, young woman, to teach my soul to trust Him – truly, wholly, unreservedly.  To serve and love without holding back. 

You, dear sweet friend, who in your early twenties faced anxiety, insomnia, a broken engagement, and poor health.  Your spirit resolved to trust the Lord though you saw no way out of your circumstances, and the future was a black hole.  Your mind was racing and fearful, but you fought fiercely for your faith, and it was well with your soul.  When I felt fear and insecurity, your gentle words reminded me of God’s promises and reinforced my heart.  When insomnia ruled my nights you offered me pearls of wisdom from your own trials.  “When your body cannot rest, your mind can still rest in Christ.  Use the long empty nights to praise Him in the quiet.”  Many sleepless nights have followed and I have never forgotten those words.  Praise God. 

Dear young women, sometimes you think you have nothing to offer.  You are too young.  Too busy.  Too deeply “in the trenches” to have anything of worth to share.  Until you are past it all, you’ll have little impact on other's lives.

      

You are so wrong. 

 

Because by your faithful lives and words you have pointed me over and over – not to yourself – but to our God. 

You believe in the Gospel with fervency.  You trust the Lord with a tenacity born out of struggle and despair.  You hold on to the Savior as if your life depends on it – because you know that it does.  We need to see your faith, hear of it, praise God for it, dear sisters - in your youth, in your suffering, in your weakness, in the mess.  

     

“Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12

You have done it well.